Nothing and Everything

I am having a week of it. Actually it’s more like a month of it.

A month of what you ask? Nothing and everything.

I’m just in bad form more often than I’m in good form & I have no actual reason why. Nothing has changed, everything is the same as it was a few weeks ago.

The kids are the being their usual selves. No harder or easier than normal. We are still doing our usual basic routine day in day out.

But I’m just fed up. I’m done. Pissed off with the world. Tired. Bored. The works.

I can’t blame anyone, nobody has caused this funk that I’m in. And nobody can get me out of it only myself.

I had a friend ask me today “How are you?” So I replied with a WhatsApp voicenote full of tears & snots. Not my finest moment! But I obviously needed to get it out.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. My reply?

“Nothing and everything”.

I don’t know if any of you can relate to that, but I feel it so hard at the moment!

This life of relentless parenting doesn’t suit me. I had the best of both before this Covid madness took hold. I was jobsharing, literally half my time was spent at work & half at home. I highly recommend it for anyone looking for a better work/life balance, it’s the best. And I miss my half job so much!

It’s so good for the head to have that balance. Even if you work full time it’s still a different kind of tired and stress that comes with it. You can still enjoy your kids more after work & at the weekends because you have had a break from each other & it’s not as intense.

I have found myself slipping away from doing the things that were keeping me sane at the start of all this, so I need to drag myself back into those habits & turn this ship around.

Being home 24/7 with no social outlet, combined with the stress and demands of lively children is not for everyone. Up to now I was managing fine. I even wrote about lockdown so far back in Week 7 and how surprised I was at how well we were all coping at that point.

But 10 weeks in, almost 11 weeks in, it’s time for a change. So come on Leo, reward all our patience & co-operation to date by bringing these Phases a bit closer together…

I’m sure I’m not the only one on the brink of insanity at this stage.

I know we will get back out & about soon. But it just doesn’t feel soon enough.

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