I read a piece from a fellow blogger today, and it got me thinking. It got me mad, but it also got me thinking!
She wrote so well as she always does, this time about “filling your cup” and how her cup is empty. Like, not even a drop left at the bottom kinda empty.
But what riled me up is the fact that She seemed to accept that it would always be empty, that She never can get it anywhere near full again.
Yes She has young, energetic, cup-emptying children, but I have a question…
Where is HE?
Where is their father when She needs to have a breather in the middle of a crazy 18 hour day?
Where is He when She needs to go for a shower in peace?
Where is He when She’s trying to cook dinner with three kids hanging off her leg?
Where is He when She’s waking multiple times a night to soothe their children back to sleep?
Where is He when She’s crying in the bathroom because She has cracked once again under the strain of carrying it all alone?
Where is He?
Where is He and why does She have to break down in order to draw attention to the fact that She needs help?
Where is He and why doesn’t he see her?
Where is He and why doesn’t he help?
Where was He for the conception? Oh he was there, and he was enjoying himself.
Where was He for the pregnancy announcement? He was there too, full of pride that his man parts are in full working order.
Where was He for the birth? He was there, delighted to see his progeny enter the world.
Where was He for the big Christening party & birthday parties? He was there having all the fun & none of the stress.
If He can be there for all “fun” parts of parenthood, then he damn straight better be there for all the not fun parts. Yes he might have to work a lot, probably more than his partner. But when he is there, he needs to be THERE.
We as mothers did not sign up for this life on our own. It is meant to be a partnership; marriage or no marriage, rings or no rings; if you have a child & you both agree to raise it together, then that’s the deal & there’s no going back.
He needs to be in it with you. He needs to be doing his bit, playing his part. He needs to see you. He needs to give you the chance & the time to fill your cup.
The Feminist in me likes to think that we can be equal in life, equal in our relationships, equal in our parenting. The realist in me knows that this just isn’t always possible. But that doesn’t entitle either sex to hand over the wheel & take a back seat. We owe it to our partners & our children to work together & mind each other.
Letting each others’ cups empty on a continuous basis is not minding each other, and it may be harsh of me to say, but it’s downright disrespectful & unloving to let it happen.
Filling your cup isn’t just about being good to yourself, it’s about being happy, being able to have the energy to not just get through & survive each day of parenting & life, but to live it.
If you have to keep asking yourself “Where is He?”, then it’s time for a sit down & heart to heart. Yes it will be awkward, and it may even lead to an argument. But you deserve to be heard. And you deserve to NOT have to live life with an empty cup.
“He” is not every man. He is some men. And some men need to get with the programme.
“She” is not just this one woman, she is so many women.