What’s that you say Mother?
Oh you’ve made plans?
You think you’re going somewhere?
How naive of you to make plans…let me just see how I can thwart these plans of yours…
Will I spike a surprise temperature?
Will I wake 50 times tonight?
Will I spontaneously vomit after breakfast?
Will I act like a complete anti-christ for the day to make you paranoid that an illness is brewing?
Will I eat an entire punnet of kiwis in one day & give myself a dose of the shits to keep us all under house arrest?
Will I wake up at 5am & make you too tired to actually go anywhere to carry out these plans of yours?
Will I develop a mystery cough out of the blue & make you think we need to self-isolate for 14 days?
So many choices, so little time.
All I know for sure is, you aren’t getting out of the house that easily!
Oh wait, you’re going to bring me along?
I feel fine now, let’s go!