Everyone has a different idea of when it starts, but for me it starts when you see that positive test.
You fly into the future in the blink of an eye. You imagine and dream about the minute details of what your life will be with this baby that has been created inside you.
You might never even consider that the dream might not come true.
The ups and downs of motherhood are very real. So much of it is amazing, and so much of it is just plain hard.
What is the hardest part?
Is it the loss of sleep?
Is it the loss of your identity as a person?
Is it the toll it takes on your relationship?
Is it the friends that drift away as time goes by?
Is it the sore boobs, the damaged nether regions, the c-section wound?
Is it the loss of independence and control you have over your daily life?
We might say all of the above is the hardest part.
Today I am sitting in what feels like a hole of dispair and sadness.
Not for myself, but for people that are very close to me.
In recent weeks a number of my nearest and dearest have learned what the hardest part of motherhood truly is.
They have had early losses, and not early losses.
They have had bleeds and scans and examinations.
They have had blue lights and sirens blaring.
They have had a lot of waiting.
Waiting for results, waiting for diagnoses, waiting for confirmations, waiting for it all to end.
They have been to Maternity hospitals and come home empty handed.
They have been told to try again.
To give it time.
They have lived the hardest part of motherhood, and they continue to live it.
The other things are still hard, there’s no denying it. But nothing can be harder than loss.
I’m sure they will get their happy ending, all of them will. And next time it won’t be so hard.